Do you ever feel chaotic inside?

I do.

Every so often I begin to feel like the chaos is overwhelming and I need to stop and tend to my soul.

Unsettled, disorganized, forgetful, hurting. Tears surfacing at the most inopportune times.

I knew it was time to get some direction and help from someone who is trauma informed and hears from the Holy Spirit. I’m grateful to have someone like that in my life so we started meeting weekly.

I learned this week the result of not recognizing and addressing my disappointment in a way that is surrendered to Him becomes a slippery slope. To quote my friend who quoted from a Kay Arthur book:

Disappointment not surrendered turns to
Discouragement, which, not recognized turns to
Depression, which continues the downward spiral to
Despair, which overwhelms us into
Demoralization, which is utter hopelessness.

I’d been praying for some very specific things and God wasn’t answering the way I wanted. Of course, I reminded myself that He is sovereign and knows what is best for me. But I was still disappointed, yet I did not recognize it, which meant I didn’t repent. So, not realizing that I’d invited disappointment in to stay for a while turned into full blown discouragement. On the edge of depression, the chaos inside showing up in my physical surroundings. I found myself binge watching silly videos on Instagram, eating too much, shopping online.

All in an attempt to feel better.

None of it working.

As I began to seek Him for action steps, the Holy Spirit prompted me to put down my phone and pick up around the house. To stop looking to food or shopping to feel better. To admit to my friend my sinful attitudes and confess to Him my disappointment. She led me to repent, release and renounce the sin and the slide downhill I’d allowed. I asked the Spirit to release and replace the lies, fear, anger and disappointment with fresh hope and love.

And you know what?

I don’t feel chaotic anymore. Or overwhelmed. Or any of those deadly D words.

He answered those prayers just the way I’d hoped! My heart had become hard, and as I took those action steps, my heart softened, cleansing tears came, and hope returned, as did my love for my Savior.

Do you have some disappointment you’ve allowed to visit for too long? Has it brought you downhill like it did me? May I encourage you with these verses?

If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7)

Thanks for spending some time with me today!
Athena